God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In America we eat man semen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I love you.
Bad choice
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
