You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
