Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
