did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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