May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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