piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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