someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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