why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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