Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i love accidental penises.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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