Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
