Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
