We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
