You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
