help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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