can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
