I will die if light touches me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
