just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
