im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
