thus making me awesome and them whores
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
