u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
