Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
