dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
