He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
