Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
