Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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