Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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