i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
