Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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