I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
