we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
