its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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