That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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