I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
