Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize