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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
