To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
