Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
