Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
