Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
