And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
