obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
