How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We are two peas in an std pod
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
