Yo dont text me then not text me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
