did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We need to get me chipped asap
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
