we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
