I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
