Only a mothe r could love this liver
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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