Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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