its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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