we're blogging at a bar
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
