Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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