The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
