'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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