Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
