The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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