Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
