I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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