took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
