eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
