she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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