i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
