OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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