Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
