OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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