Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
