New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
