I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
