i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
