Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
