If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
