How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
