im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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