Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
