dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
