Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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