I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
