im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
