just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
