i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
