You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
