you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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