Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
