she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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