dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
