Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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