Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
